I assume you’d like something in the way of contextualisation, however, so here’s the horrendously vague gist of it all. You’ll just have to take my word for it: the characters, dialogue, and twists and turns of the plot are Portal 2’s shining accomplishment. It’s a distressing situation to be in as a games journalist, because all the best bits in the game – the bits that justify the hefty score at the end of this review – are all closely intertwined with the narrative. Portal 2 raises the bar for dialogue delivery, presenting a continuous stream of hilarious chatter, witty insults and comical references to past antics. Such is the power of Erik Wolpaw’s script-writing talents, which are of an even higher calibre the second time around. Remember the Weighted Companion Cube? An inanimate block that was little more than six uniform faces decorated with love hearts? Of course you do, because you became inexplicably attached to it, then ashamed of the cruel, cruel thing GLaDOS forced you to do to it. Valve has an uncanny knack for bringing life and colour to even the most mundane of objects.
I think he might be my favourite video game character of all time. Despite the simplicity of his design – a lack of any distinguishing features at all, really – Wheatley possesses more personality than the cast of most other games put together. Only here he’s a spherical robot with a blinking blue eye – something known as a Personality Sphere. It’s that Bristolian chap from the Barclays adverts, Ricky Gervais’ pal – Stephen Merchant.
You’ve been asleep for some time, hauled out of a mammoth slumber by an energetic banging on the door and a familiar voice. It begins in what appears to be a motel room a quaint little cubicle furnished with a bed, desk and the odd decorative object. All of which has made this a right bugger to write.
To that end, there are no plot spoilers, no dialogue quotes, no references to cake or lies, no lyrics from Still Alive used as cheesy puns and no explanations of what happened at the end of the first game (for those that weren’t intellectually on the ball enough to finish it). Fear not: this review has been the subject of endless scrutinisation to ensure that you, our cherished reader, do not have one of the best experiences of 2011 – nay, of recent years – ruined for you in any way, shape or form.
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